There is enough (for all of us women) to go around.
No need for jealousy, backstabbing, diminishment, or undermining.
Every single woman can be successful.
Your success is yours alone. Her success is hers. Together you make two successful women.
In a sea full of men.
And while I am not insinuating there is a need for gender-wars…the secret is, if we women stick together, we are more likely to elevate each other.
So why is it that we women automatically feel the pit in our stomach when we see another woman accomplish something amazing?
(It’s okay to admit this, we all feel it, sister.)
We have been conditioned (thank you biology and society) to think that someone else having something means we might end up with nothing.
It’s just a thought (and a destructive lie) we tell ourselves. We spend time, and precious creative energy, marinating in jealousy when we could use the opportunity to motivate our own selves further on our journey to success.
According to Cara Alwill Leyba, author of Girl Code: Unlocking the Secrets to SUCCESS, SANITY and HAPPINESS for the FEMALE ENTREPRENEUR, if we envision our world through the eyes of positivity and possibility, we open up a world of endless abundance for ourselves.
So how do we do this when the green-eyed lady monster thinks otherwise?
- Reframing. Leyba suggests practicing reframing our way of thinking when we feel threatened by another woman’s success. When we see a woman achieving major results that are enviable, send her a mental appreciative “atta-girl” first and then imagine something amazing for yourself. By using the positive energy she has created to fuel your own fire, you put the attention and energy on you advancing your goals. Taking a moment to imagine that you have received the same level of success frees you from feeling like it is only accessible to a select few. The fear disappears and so does the envy.
- Congratulate Her. Yep. Take a moment and send her a congratulatory text or email and let her know you admire her success. Purposefully addressing the envy as admiration creates a new vibe among women and diminishes the perpetual patterning of jealousy and competition. Take it a step further and invite her out for coffee and ask her to tell her story. You may learn lessons that you can apply to your own life and she will feel valued as a mentor. Win-win. (You will also have some insight as to the barriers she has overcome and the work she has put in to make it happen. Social media perpetuates the myths that success just “happens” to people without showing the blood, sweat and tears invested.) 3.
- Practice Gratitude. This may seem like the end-all, be-all answer for everything but the truth of the matter is that it works. If you find yourself feeling a bit jealous or sorry for yourself, take a minute to write down five things you are grateful for in your own life that make you feel successful. It is easy to lose site of those things that others would admire you for. A scarcity mindset is biological, it’s up to us to recognize that and challenge the thoughts that can derail our focus.
- Set Solid Goals (and work towards them.) Working towards successful goals of your own? If not it is easy to fall into the trap of “wishing” your life was better. Dreaming is an important part of positive thinking but without the “doing” it will only remain a wish. Being able to see your own progress helps you to keep your eyes on your own prize and not someone else’s.
- Practice being a Co-pilot. Pay attention to opportunities where you can amplify and give credit to women you work with. Taking time to “manage-up” someone else’s success raises the bar for all women and helps you to feel like part of the team. It’s hard to feel jealous of someone you are rooting for. Being each other’s PR team builds comradery and diminishes the threat. If we want to live in a world where women empower other women, we need to be the change we wish to see.
It’s time we tip the balance and join the same team.
Our daughters are watching.
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