I have a female tribe.

A full-fledged, drop-everything, call in the middle of the night, always there no- matter- what- sisterhood of six. We support each others fabulous flaws, beautiful strengths, and annoying tendencies with no judgement. Just laughter and acceptance.

There is no jealousy, no competition, no mean girl comments or behavior-ever.

For the first time, since about the age of 10, I have found a female tribe where I feel supported, celebrated, and appreciated for just being me.

There are many times, during a woman’s life, where strong female bonds are formed and broken. Best friendships that began in elementary school evolved into adolescent cliques. We teetered in and out of acceptance based on popularity and boyfriends. Sister friends and frenemies weaved their way in and out of our lives, but those experiences shaped our confidence for many years to come.

My Tribe did not form, however, organically.

I had just finished reading Jessica Barnett’s Feminist Fight Club, her personal story about female camaraderie and her group of female friends who met every month to support each other in a man’s world. Told in equal parts of “wit and rigor”, Jessica’s book made me long for my own girl-posse.

When I shared this wish with my husband (actually, I was having a self-pity party over it) he responded with the obvious solution.

“So create one.”

Men. Ok, well yes, it was that simple.

I chose five women in my life that I admired and knew would complement each other. We were colleagues and friendly, yet not necessarily “friends”.  Because the book had been my source of inspiration, I thought an initial meeting under the guise of a Women’s Leadership Book Club would spark some interest.

Now all I had to do was create the invitation.

Dear Intelligent, Brave, Fearless, Female Leader Friend..
It has always been my dream (as geeky as it is) to start a Women’s Leadership Book Club. You have been invited because you INSPIRE me with your wit, resilience, innovative thinking, and smart and sassy attitude. If you are interested in joining others very much like you in the “Sisterhood of the Traveling (Work) Pants” please give this a try. I am choosing the first book as Feminist Fight Club which is a real life, consciousness-raising group of hardworking, driven, goal oriented women leaders. I completely understand if work-life balance gets in the way but ,if you are slightly interested on what this could be, I challenge you to put YOU first! Come be part of a movement where women support and raise up other women. Thank you for having an impact in my life.
Most Sincerely,

I pressed send and waited.

Oh this could be embarrassing if no one came.

When I got the first RSVP I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I wouldn’t be a Tribe of one.

You know how the story ends. All five came. Later, they would tell me they were intrigued by the fact that the invite list was hidden ( purely accidental- I was new to Evite).  They were curious as to who was invited.

Who knew an element of mystery could be such a powerful motivator?

Now, more than a year later, we still meet every month at the same restaurant. We still choose a book to read. Some read it, some don’t. Most of all, our time is spent encouraging each other, laughing at life’s mistakes, and sharing personal and professional goals. As a result, my Tribe is one of the most meaningful experiences in my life.

This was a Lightbulb Lesson for me. How many other things are we missing in our lives because we wait for them to happen?  Happiness is found when we choose to focus moments and time on what we are most passionate about. Most importantly, we can’t wait for them to come to us.

Your female Tribe is waiting for you. All you have to do is ask.



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