There was a “pussycat” in the conference room this week. Standing in the place of the proverbial elephant, she took her spot as this week’s obvious problem or risk no one wanted to discuss. As a writer for a women’s leadership blog, she dared me to avoid the hypocrisy of not discussing her. I could not , in good conscious, do that. I am referring, of course, to the explosive political and media circus that surrounded the revelation of a video tape showing the male republican presidential candidate for the 2016 election claiming he could “grab a woman by the p****y” anytime he wanted to (simply because he was a celebrity). The tape contained other deprecating and disrespectful remarks that objectified and bragged about aggressively pursuing any woman that he found sexually attractive .
Politics aside, the polarizing effect of a nation evaluating appropriate gender behavior and respect made the glass ceiling feeling of the conference room seem that much lower. As some awkward water-cooler discussion brought up the fringe of the topic, it appeared the women in the room became very uncomfortable. Pussycat then hopped into the middle of the conference room table and settled down for a nap. She would stay for the hour.
As a woman leader, and one who is always on the road for self-growth, I caution myself to stop and ask if my perceptions of a situation resound with others in the room as well. I always seek to understand, clarify my assumptions, and really try to garner all facts before coming to a conclusion. This habit is one that I painfully developed in my early years as a manager and learned the hard way to never, never assume. I am conscious of the need for inclusion and diversity education and feel responsible to ensure, as leaders, we are always mindful of our teammates perceptions. According to the Harvard Business Review “Business leaders send a powerful message when they demonstrate a commitment to diversity and inclusion that goes beyond rhetoric”. I asked 6 women, ranging in age from 24 to 53 of varying backgrounds, professions, and interests; How did the statements released on the Trump video tape make you feel? Their responses are unified, barring differing political affiliations. The common denominator is pain.
- ” I felt like women everywhere had taken one giant step backwards. Although I know he did not speak for all men, I felt like at this day and age women had made enough progress in equality that those remarks would not hurt me in the way that they did. I felt embarrassed, deflated and overly conscious about being a woman.”
- ” I was so very angry! I kept reviewing what he said and all I kept thinking was how can anyone say something so denigrating and disrespectful about another human being? Forget the woman part. No person should be talked about in such a dismissive and disdainful way. It was like a woman wasn’t a person.”
- “It brought back every uncomfortable moment I have ever had a professional woman where I perceived a man was inappropriate in the way he looked at me, spoke to me, or dismissed me because of my gender. “
- “I yelled at the TV that it was sexual assault ! As a professional woman, it infuriated me that women are put in this position; particularly those who are living paycheck to paycheck and are worried about keeping their jobs. “
- “In a word “disgusted. I can’t understand how he could have raised a daughter like Ivanka who is so poised , self confident and successful. I think he will set back women’s equality 100 years if elected.”
- ” I have a client that says very inappropriate things to me. I won’t dare say anything for ruining his reputation or mine. I mean, is it really worth the trouble? Then that tape came out.. I paused. In my world it seems like my problems are independent of a ‘national’ discussion. But I am acutely aware that the things said to me would never have happened if I were a man. I feel I am in a moral dilemma that has no resolution. What are my options? I ruin my reputation by saying something and either way it does nothing to better my work environment/workplace experience. Where there is one, there are many. BUT the fact that I have female anatomy (sic) has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my qualifications. At least I would like to hope so. It shakes me to the core. How do I raise two boys to respect women? How do I face any male employer ( boss-counterpart-intern) and assume its a neutral conversation? I can’t square it in my head. I am pissed. I hate that I (underline bold) can’t just be. Why does it matter?”
- “I felt like I did after hearing the resolution of the Brock Turner rape trial where a young man on a college campus was caught raping an unconscious victim and was sentenced to 6 months because the judge felt anything longer would “ruin his life. ” Anyone who doesn’t believe there is an accepted “rape” culture out there needs to come out with me and my girlfriends on a weekend night. I am conscious that I have to keep my hand over my drink to make sure no one puts anything in it. I am acutely aware of being alone, unsafe and vulnerable. I don’t understand the “locker room” talk excuse…no man, including my Dad, has ever talked about women in that way to me before . I would never think that to talk in this way is acceptable and still be considered a candidate for the President of the United States-; our melting pot and nation of diversity. I was incredibly disappointed. I don’t understand why I feel like women have to alter their behavior, the way they dress or establish their professional place in the world to avoid being victims.”
The last statement struck me to my core as it was from the 24 year old young professional woman. Half my age, and new in her career as a professional young woman, she shared that we have made very little progress, in her opinion, in gender equality. The most painful fact is that she is my daughter...and the reason I committed to discussing this very controversial topic in a professional forum. How could I not?
According to Forbes “3 Reasons Why it Pays to Not to Let Sexist Comments Slide “Hundreds of studies show that confronting bias (toward any group) actually improves intergroup perceptions and reduces future bias. If no one points out to Jim that his remarks about women are offensive, it’s not likely he’s going to figure it out on his own. And chances are, he doesn’t really want to offend you or anyone else. Confronting him gives him a chance to see things from your point of view, and understand where his “innocent” comment went wrong.”
At the very core, LeadershipElevateHer and this venue should stand for identifying where the gaps in professional leadership still lie and be committed to ensuring the conversation is continued. Regardless of which way our political compass guides our path , our daughters are watching. Tonight I am standing up for my own.
