We do it to ourselves, ladies.

Earning 78 cents to every man’s dollar is not just a pay gap created by men.

We women hate to ask for money.

It’s icky. It’s private. It’s uncomfortable.

We don’t want to make anyone mad at us for asking.

We should feel grateful for what we get.

We don’t ask, we don’t tell and we certainly don’t negotiate.

We don’t feel worthy enough to negotiate.

According to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, author’s of Women Don’t Ask

• Many women are so grateful to be offered a job that they accept what they are offered and don’t negotiate their salaries.
• Women often don’t know the market value of their work.
• Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs.
• Men expect to earn 13 percent more than women during their first year of full-time work and 32 percent more at their career peaks.

Wait what?

We are so grateful for the job, we will do it for whatever we are offered.

This isn’t a money problem.

It’s a self-confidence problem.

We even give away work for free because we wouldn’t feel right asking to be paid for our time.

Not all of it is our fault, though.

Babcock showed people videos of men and women asking for a raise, following the exact same script. People liked the man’s style and said, ‘Yes, pay him more.’ But the woman?

They thought she was to demanding. She got the raise, but people didn’t like her for it.

This is why we have been conditioned not to even try. 

It makes us less likeable.

So, how do we break this vicious cycle of not asking for money and appearing greedy if we do?

Step One: Know Your Worth. Research your job role, duties and market pay on sites such as Glassdoor.com and Salary.com. Do your research so that you can speak to the market rate in your area and have concrete comparisons. List your outcomes and achievements over the last year, or highlight education and or certifications that make you stand out among others.

Step Two: Know that Everything is Negotiable. Larger companies are often more difficult to have pay adjustments outside of their compensation cycle. If you are unable to negotiate pay at a certain time of the year are there other things you can negotiate with your boss to increase your compensation? Is flex time an option? Working at home can save you gas and commute costs, time and daycare charges. While this is not an “in your paycheck” kind of increase, it does improve your bottom line. Education dollars, travel opportunities, and organizational membership fees to increase your knowledge and marketability are other ways to increase your compensation.

Step Three: Ask Your Boss for Help. Have an honest conversation with your boss about any gaps you discover once you do your research. He or She may be able to help you understand company culture regarding the ask as well as anything they think is keeping you from earning more. If their hands are tied, ask them to help advocate for you when raise season approaches. If they rely heavily on you, they are likely to push forward and advocate for your fair compensation to keep you on their team.

Step Four: Be a Role Model. If you are a boss yourself, practice getting out of your discomfort zone and advocate for your team. Bringing up the conversation about fair wages and compensation is uncomfortable, but one we women need to break the taboo on. By advocating for the team you can mitigate the social cost of negotiating for yourself (and potentially get yourself a bump up in the process).

Step Five: Think Personally But Act Communally  This strategy takes the social cost of asking in consideration by letting the person you are negotiating with  know that you understand their position (and that your ask is appropriate and justified). For example, a more junior employee may bring this up by using a statement such as “I don’t know how typical it is for people at my level to negotiate, but I’m hopeful that you’ll see my skill at negotiating as something important that I can bring to the job.”

Step Six: Examine Your Mental Relationship With Money.  Our relationship with money is embedded in our larger sense of self. Early scripts as it relates to the importance, abundance, and or scarcity of money dictate how we equate financial success later in life. Feelings of shame, lack of self-worth, and insecurity determine patterns of behavior in receiving and spending money that can impede our ability to view our compensation objectively. The relationship with money, like all relationships, flourishes when it is paid attention to, prioritized, appreciated, celebrated and respected. A good read on this subject is Money, Manifestation and Miracles : A Guide to Transforming Women’s Relationship with Money by Meriflor Toneatto.

Awareness is the first step to closing the gap. Growing your confidence is the second. And who doesn’t want a little more money or confidence in their lives?

I am willing to bet my 78 cents that we all do.

Need a little more Empowerment?
Check out my free Facebook Group Empowered Women, Empower Women. (No mean girls allowed.)

Need a little more Education?
Check out my blog atLeadershipElevateHer.com.

Need a little more self-guidance?
Download my free 21 Days to a More Empowered You Personal Blue Print for Change.

Need a little more help in designing the life you want?
Learn more about my Motivation, Mindset and Mentorship Coaching Bootcamp.